If you think back to the last time you felt hurt or wronged, confronted the person in question, and received an “I’m sorry” in response, how satisfied did you feel? Assuming the person was sincere and did not try to explain or justify the behavior, did you consider the apology sufficient to make up for the offense? Most likely it did not, because anyone can wrong another person and say “I’m sorry” without having any real understanding of how their actions were hurtful, why they mattered, or how others felt about them.

In the classic movie Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, one of the most memorable scenes involves Pee Wee trying to inspire a waitress to follow her dream of moving to Paris, which goes comically awry. 

Pee Wee:       Simone, this is your dream. You have to follow it.

Simone:          I know you’re right, but…

Pee Wee:       But what? Everyone I know has a big “but.” C’mon, Simone, let’s talk about your big “but.”

(Simone’s boyfriend overhears this conversation, and subsequently chases Pee Wee in a murderous rage).
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Despite falling a hair short of cinematic brilliance, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure stumbled onto something profound: the word “but” is a curse that hurts communication and undermines relationships.

​A reporter recently contacted me for a quote about things never to say at work. She expected me to say something like, “You look sexy in that suit” or “The boss’ husband is a beefcake,” but I offered two less obvious examples:

This isn’t another softball, Thanksgiving-related blog about gratitude, but a step-by-step guide to help people who have committed sexual harassment regain their humanity and their life, and bring some compassion to people that have suffered as a result of their actions.
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If you have harassed someone, your number is up.

Between the #MeToo movement and the daily breaking news stories of high-profile celebrities and politicians accused of offensive acts, our society has crossed a threshold. People are disclosing experiences of sexual harassment with increasing frequency, and the more people that speak out, the safer everyone will feel to report their individual ordeals. Shame, intimidation, and fear are no longer keeping people silent, so the truth is coming for you. However, this reckoning may not have to ruin your life. If you have a conscience, an ability to take responsibility, and a willingness to generate compassion for the person(s) you have wronged, I would be honored to illuminate your path to redemption.

We have all seen the footage of aviation security officers dragging Dr. David Dao, in a forcible and degrading manner, off United Express Flight 3411, resulting in the doctor suffering a head injury, a broken nose, and two lost teeth—in front of the entire world. In the age of instantly viral videos, CEO Oscar Munoz needed to offer a swift, effective apology to preserve United's reputation and keep customers from fleeing to competitors. He failed.